Tag: fail
News in Briefs 03/06/12
Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twel…damn there’s a lot of boats on the River Thames today. I hope one of them doesn’t sink, although I admit that I do have my fingers crossed. Still, it’s better than listening to more garbage from a banker/politician/some random civilian. I just wish that the BBC would reveal to me the news for today.
Political Oops of the Week
This is going to sound awful, but I laughed at the Syria massacre this week. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but you are wrong. I wasn’t laughing at the fact that many people were slaughtered by armed terrorists, or as the rest of the world call it: the Syrian Government. I was laughing at the fact that the UN is so inept and is so useless that it’s laughable.
Instead of actually taking action this week all they did was repeatedly condemn it with meaningless words on the news channel, as well as promising action that will never come. But it’s not just because what happened this time, it’s because it happens all the time. If you are really so “outraged” then surely you should be doing something about it?
You know I consider this a political oops because it shadows the failed League of Nations from the early 20th century. And we all know what happened when the failure of that organisation grew and grew. We ended up dealing with the single biggest conflict in human history. I’m not saying that the Syria massacre is going to cause that, but it really does highlight the failures of the organisation when it comes to actually enforcing its will across the globe.
The Painful…
The fact that Piers Morgan hasn’t been assassinated yet, the unfortunate truth that people are starving all over the world, but nothing was more painful than what I had to witness on Saturday night. Yes, England v Belgium. That was perhaps the single most painful thing I’ve had to watch in very recent memory. If England honestly believe that they stand a chance against any relevant teams then they are sadly mistaken.
What the game last night showed was that sometimes football can be the most mind numbing experience on the planet. England simple held their shape and waited for Belgium to give them the ball, and when they had the ball they just passed it around without making many incisive movements. The only good part was the end as that’s when they actually decided to play football.
All England v Belgium showed was that the team is still weak. It’s still a team of individuals playing for themselves. And they are still inferior to many other countries on the planet. The English league might be the best league in the world, but that’s certainly not because of the English players.
…And the Pointless
We’ve all seen the story about the British woman who was caught smuggling cocaine in Indonesia; the Bali area to be exact. Rachel Dougall was the woman involved in this. She was arrested at the airport with over 4kg of cocaine in blocks, and that’s about £1.56m in street value. And all she could do was try to defend herself by saying that she did it for her sons who were under threat from bad people in Britain. Well boo hoo!
The fact is that you are guilty. You have been caught smuggling cocaine into Indonesia. The authorities were right when in similar terms they expressed that they couldn’t care less and it makes absolutely no difference. She did it. End of story.
What irritates me is that the BBC is acting as if she is the victim here though. She is not the victim. She is a felon and Britain can’t help her as she has broken the laws of that country. And now we are listening to stories about how she’s losing her mind in the police holding cells. Good! That’s how it’s supposed to work, it’s called prison. Just because our prisons are softer than a caramel-covered marshmallow doesn’t mean everybody else’s is. You are guilty. You are going to die. And you have nobody to blame but yourself. Now please just end the almost-daily coverage of her, please.
The So Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious
Do you know when some lard-packing doughnut master walks down the street and you just think to yourself: “What a fat bastard.”? Well if you act on it in the future then that could be a hate crime. Unbelievably, MPs were actually debating the idea on making calling someone fat a hate crime. What an absolute joke this country really is sometimes. If you’re fat, you’re fat. It’s not a hate crime, it’s the truth. If you can’t fit through the doors at your local fast food restaurant then you are fat; or you’re wearing a large costume.
If this went through then it would be on par with racism and being homophobic. So if you’re a fat bastard and somebody refers to you as such then you could get them arrested. But in reality there’s not even any reasoning behind this. With racism you are born the colour you are so you can’t change a thing. With homophobic remarks you have the tastes you do and you can’t change that. If you’re fat then you can probably change that. The problem is that you are too busy sitting down eating an extra-large curry and threatening to blow a hole in the sofa with a mini nuclear warhead coming out of your rectal launch sites.
I’m quite frankly tired of this idea that we have to make everybody feel great about themselves. Why a disgusting, overweight tub of goo should be made to feel great about themselves when what they are doing is on the level of self-harm is beyond rational thought. We seem to think slicing your wrists open in a dark corner of your black-painted bedroom is a problem, so why not binge eating and making yourself into the second coming of Godzilla?
So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…
News in Briefs 15/04/12
Are you getting tired of all the dithering at the moment? I certainly am. And we all had a lot of dithering this week as the Government continued to make a massive balls-up of the fuel tanker issues. The UN also managed to continue being as pointless as ever as they are now fighting over whether to send a few people down to Syria to oversee the ceasefire. You would have thought that would have always been part of the deal, right?
Political Oops of the Week
For the Political Oops of the Week, it has to be all about the removal of tax relief on charitable donations. If there’s one thing you never do it’s attack anything to do with charity. It doesn’t matter if these measures are right or wrong because the wider population are generally idiots. They won’t listen to reason. All they will see is ‘Government Attacks Charity!’ and nothing more.
But basically these changes mean that wealthy people who donate to charity to obtain tax relief won’t be able to do it anymore. To target the issue itself, if these wealthy people are so committed to charity then why would they have an issue with these changes? Surely if they are so passionate about giving then they will continue to give anyway?
It’s not as if they don’t have the money to do this. Personally, I believe that many wealthy people who donate to charity are just doing it to avoid tax. And clearly the BBC does too because the article that outlines these changes has a link to the article ‘Most Common Tax Avoidance Schemes’ right next to it.
The Painful…
Sometimes the most painful feeling in the world is the feeling of failure. North Korea’s rocket, which outraged people all around the world, was the embodiment of failure this week as it failed spectacularly.
Originally, North Korea’s rocket was supposed to demonstrate the country’s “mastery over technology”. Well all I have to say is that it certainly didn’t manage to demonstrate any mastery over anything after that humiliation. In short, the rocket launched, it then flew in the air for a few minutes, and then it broke apart and fell into the sea.
As for a modern North Korea, which its leadership enjoys attempting to portray, it hasn’t quite made it yet. If the launch had succeeded then it would have made it to the 1950s where the major Cold War participants were launching objects into the atmosphere.
But since it failed it is still stuck in the 1940s because that’s when Nazi Germany was planning to create and to an extent succeeded in creating rockets that could fly higher than a plane and be used as a weapon.
Still, keep trying, you’ll do it one day.
…And the Pointless
The Grand National was run on the 14th of April 2012. I hope you managed to win some money – I certainly didn’t – but the main point here is that two horses died. One was the favourite Synchronised and the other was According to Pete. Both horses had fractured legs and had to be put down (shot).
But just like we get every year, we had animal rights groups complaining and moaning that the race should be banned. The reason why this story deserves to be put in this position is that we deal with this same trash every year. This year the leaders are the group called Animal Aid.
The Grand National is dangerous, that’s a fact you just can’t get over, however that’s part of the attraction of the Grand National. You could lower the height of the fences and the drops, like they did in 2011, but then what would be the point in even running the race anymore? Most of the millions it brings in every year are there because the race is dangerous.
Are we going to do away with a race that has been run since the 19th century because a horse or two dies every year? This is nothing but a modern obsession with banning everything that has even the slightest risk associated with it. Fabrice Muamba almost died on the football pitch, and Serie B player Piermario Morosini did die on the football pitch this week, so should we ban football because it has a risk of causing heart defects to flare up? Of course we shouldn’t.
It’s sickening that these people, most of whom only watch racing once a year, have the audacity to say that part of this sport should be banned when they really have no place in it. I’m going to take some inspiration from trainer Paul Nicholls by telling detractors to “Grow up!”
The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious
President Obama has been on holiday this week. Instead of going to a traditional holiday hotspot he decided to partake in some relationship building with Latin America. Did this go well? As well it could possibly go considering the circumstances.
The agency that protects President Obama had a red face this week as 11 of its agents were suspended for allegedly breaking the rules and forsaking their duties. What did they do, you ask? Well first of all they broke their curfew, but that doesn’t warrant a suspension. What did, though, was them bringing women back to their hotel rooms.
Is there anything wrong with an agent letting off some steam at night, though? Of course not; it’s a stressful job, but all 11 women were supposedly prostitutes. And therein sits the problem.
The reason they know that they were most likely prostitutes was because the hotel staff caught an agent and a woman arguing over whether he should pay her or not. Now, in my experience, that’s how you tell if someone has been caught with a prostitute.
A Positive Outlook for the Week
Normally, I would tell you how I’m looking forward to the great sports action next week, but I understand that sport is not everybody’s cup of tea (or coffee). But apart from that I’m struggling with this section because there’s not a whole lot going on at the moment.
I mean, politics is pretty boring at the moment because all that looks to be going on is the London Mayor hype. But that’s where it could be a blessing in disguise because when you look at all the interesting things that happen, they rarely come about on the crest of a wave. They usually charge out of the briny deep like an iceberg; it’s the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking so I had to have something in there.
So maybe next week won’t be so bleak and irritating after all…