News in Briefs 26/02/12

It hasn’t been a good week for interesting news as all we have been stuck with is more news on Syria and yet more fights over the NHS. But while the main stories of the week have been as plain and boring as Ed Miliband making a political speech, if we dig below the surface then we can find some hilarious and interesting stories.

Political Oops of the Week

This is a bit of a premature time to be doing specials, but this week we have two stories which share this title.

The first story is about Labour MP Eric Joyce who was arrested and charged with common assault this week for flying off the handle in a House of Commons bar. Reportedly, the MP for Falkirk started shouting and insulting the Tories, dumping drinks over members, dancing terribly, and then directing his head into the face of Tory Pudsey MP Stuart Andrew (twice).

This is not only extremely embarrassing for the Labour Party, but it’s extremely embarrassing for British politics because how can these drunken idiots lecture and patronise the common folk of the country when they are flying off the handle? Essentially, it’s the equivalent of a bar fight on a Saturday night, but in an upper class manner. However, don’t expect any jail time for this MP, they play by different rules, remember?

Eric Joyce

But the Coalition Government fared no better either as our second story emerged on a BBC video of Nick Clegg having a humiliating slip of the tongue. Is this a window into his darker thoughts or just an accident? The rumour mill is out in full force! (skip to the 20-30 second mark for the slip)

The Painful…

Whilst there are tonnes of painful moments from around the world, we will try and keep it relatively civil. And no, we won’t be providing any pictures or videos of their injuries you sick people!

This week the story involves a Harrogate teacher who set himself on fire in the school car park because he felt under pressure to obtain good exam results from his students. If this is not a message that teachers are under too much stress then what is?

In Case of Fire

As someone who was reportedly suffering from depression, and constantly on edge about coursework and exam results, Mr. David Charlesworth set himself on fire in the car park of the school and died of burns that destroyed 79% of his entire body.

Surely this has to bring up a point about the stress teachers are put under? Teachers are forced to make their students obtain high grades, but have they ever thought that the reason some students don’t obtain good grades is just because they are absolute morons who have no interest in education? You can’t teach what doesn’t want to learn.

…And the Pointless

The 26th of February 2012 marks the day where Rupert Murdoch releases his latest creation to the British public, the Sun on Sunday. Ok, so the Sun is now joining the Sunday News battle, but I just have one question for Rupert Murdoch, the British public, and the British media. Who cares?

Who Cares?

The Sun on Sunday has been spoken about as if it’s a new and revolutionary invention which has never been seen before. The newspaper is the same rubbish which is printed every other day of the week, but with a special Sunday title. Ooooooooo…

Looking at the amount of coverage this unveiling has received, it really does make you realise how dry the news has been this week because it’s so irrelevant. Ask your friends, your family, and the creepy guy at the bus stop this question: “Do you care about the new Sun on Sunday?” I guarantee that 90% of these people will reply with one of two lines: “The what?” or “No.”

The so Outrageous that it’s Borderline Hilarious

Some stories just make you want to strangle the people involved. But 14-year-old British teenager Sammy Booth crossed these boundaries when she recently wrote a letter to a judge in order to save her drink-driving mother from jail. In the letter she wrote such lines as “My mum is a very good mum.” and “I’m scared for my mum and I’m scared for myself”

In normal circumstances this would be a heart-wrenching story, but her mother, Julia Cairns, was involved in a high-speed car chase with police after refusing to pull over. I’m sorry, but why should someone be spared from jail after endangering the lives of hundreds of people just because she has a kid? And more importantly, why should she get away from the normal punishment when the daughter is clearly telling lies in her letter?

I would lock her away and throw away the key because why should it be one rule for some and one rule for others? I mean, seriously, she’s not even an MP! This is not a criticism of the child because she’s too young to fully understand the law, but the mother is scum. And what’s more, the ones who were taking care of this case should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Maybe I should make sweet, sticky love with my neighbour’s dog, take a dump on their bed, and kill their kid only to write a heart-wrenching letter to the judge after I’m hauled before the courts? Using this logic I should get off with about 70 hours of community service and a police caution. British justice: exactly where is the justice here?

Drunk Woman

No, really, my mum is a good mum.


A Positive Outlook for the Week Ahead

As for the week ahead, there are some positive things to look forward to. If we take a look at sport we will see that the Carling Cup Final between Cardiff City and Liverpool is today, which means that tomorrow we will either have back-page headlines of an underdog overcoming one of the giants of football or the story of the resurgence of Liverpool under a legend of both the club and English football.

The NHS debate has been raging for weeks now, and we have made absolutely no progress this week. Call it a hunch, but I believe that we will either see some progress or the NHS debate will fade away for a while this week. Some new and exciting news will hopefully replace it.

A few newspapers have also reported that the Leveson Inquiry into press standards will release its results this week. This is good news for two reasons: first of all, we will get to see some results from this long and drawn out process and, secondly, we will see the end of this inquiry which has dominated the press for months now.

So maybe next week won’t be as bleak and irritating after all…